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New McDonald’s In Phoenix Run Entirely By Robots

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After seeing a decline in earnings for the first time in nine years, McDonald’s plans to do something no other restaurant of its kind has ever done before; open a store run entirely by robots.

The store is set to open July 4th in Phoenix, Arizona once the state-of-the-art robot remodel is complete. The restaurant will still employ a small team to insure all of the robots are working correctly, the food and cleaning supplies remain stocked along with removing the money collected by the robots. Visitors to the restaurant will see these new robots working in harmony at a speed of 50 times faster than the average human employee, with no chance of error. If the test launch for the store is a success, people can expect to see robots located in every store all over the country and at restaurants around the world.

The store’s new manager, Peter Gibbons, told CNN that he has worked with the robots at a product development facility in San Francisco for over six months now and speaks highly of the machines.

“These things are great! They get their work done in a fast and orderly manner, plus they don’t ask for cigarette breaks.”

36-year-old Paul Horner, a spokesman for McDonald’s told reporters that because of the demand for a 5/hr minimum wage, the company has been playing with the idea of a restaurant run entirely by robots for years and believes their “McRobots” are the answer.

“With the high demand for a wage of 5/hr and the protests getting worse every day, this is something we had to implement. Plus with the tremendous margin of human error, poor hygiene, lack of education, laziness, as well as the recent advancements in artificial intelligence it just make sense to automate our restaurants now rather than later.”

Local Phoenix resident, 52-year-old Tom Downey, who has been unemployed for the last 3 years, was excited about the opening of a nearby McDonald’s until he heard about the robots.

“Now that they hire only robots, I don’t know what I can even do. I don’t have an education, a car, and now I’m not gonna even be able to get a burger job. Just the thought of having to go to the state unemployment office and stand in line with those scumbags!”

With this decision, shareholders can finally expect to see their stocks on the rise once again since employee salaries are not only cut, but eliminated. By cutting employees, McDonald’s says it is projecting to make a full financial turnaround and see their stock (MCD) return to 05/share which was originally set back in 2014. In the U.S., first quarter comparable sales decreased 2.6% as product and promotional offers did not meet expectations. U.S. operating income for the quarter declined 11%, reflecting weak sales and the impact of restructuring and restaurant closing charges.

42-year-old Milton Waddams, an unemployed fast food worker, told reporters he is extremely disappointed by the decision to employ only robots instead of humans.

“The McDonald’s had my resume, I already completed two job interviews there and they said I was scheduled to work once the new store opened but they never called,” Waddams said. “I need a job I said, and I was told by Betty in HR they have my resume on file, but they never called, and Sandra told me to talk to Bill, and then I hear of the robots instead of regular humans and that’s not what I asked for. And I need the job I told them, but there’s robots, so now I’m going to have to find another place of employment. And they were big giant robots, and I said no, no robots at McDonald’s. I could set the building on fire.”

Former grill cook, Tom Smykowski, from the original Phoenix McDonald’s location before it was shutdown for robot repairs and upgrades, is still mad about losing his job.

“You know there are people in this world who don’t have to put up with all this,” Smykowski told FOX News. “You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea. If anyone should know this, it’s me. I’m a people person, how many times do I have to say this? I deal with the damn customer so they don’t have to make their own burgers. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people!”

Horner said he is excited to pave the way to a more automated workforce, hence a more reliable and affordable one.

“Robots are the future of McDonald’s in the United States and around the world,” Horner said, “Human workers want more pay and this has created giant protests which need our attention now before it is too late. Robots will decrease prices, increase productivity and make for better food.” Horner continued, “Human beings were not meant to stand and make burgers all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements. Now I’ve had a chance to meet with some of these robots, and boy, they are just straight shooters with upper management written all over them.”

The new robot McDonald’s is located at 7th St & McDowell Rd in downtown Phoenix. McDonald’s says that if the store is a success, 25,000 more robot-run restaurants will be built in the next year. It is still unclear at this time what the robots look like or how customers will complete transactions as this information is being kept under strict confidentiality, but come July these questions will be answered. Will it be the right or wrong decision for McDonald’s? In the end, it will come down to what is best for the shareholders and the customers. The potential employees hoping to make a minimum wage of 5/hr, maybe not so much.

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“New McDonald’s In Phoenix Run Entirely By Robots”